Helping Kids Cope With Change: Tips for the Back-to-School Transition

As we transition into a new school year, I notice myself experiencing some of my own big feelings. Watching my daughter go through a similar process, I decided to write a blog on coping with transitions, with advice on how to support yourself and your kids so you can both learn to embrace change. 

Coping with transitions and change

Did you know there is only a bunch of scientific research on transitions and change? I know. I don’t understand why it isn’t talked about more, either! 

We know that experiencing new things triggers our brain to be on the defensive and protect us. This is because our brain feels safe with the familiar. When we lose the familiar, even if it is something as small as choosing a different spot in a workout class, our brain gets to work, ensuring we are safe by increasing Catecholamine hormones. Not only that, but when we learn something new, our neurons start forming new connections! This is why we are tired after the first day in a new job or when we try a new exercise class. So, if your child needs an earlier bedtime or a lie-in, it's because their brain is growing! (I don’t know about you, but I love understanding the science behind everything.)

So, what can we do with this knowledge? Well, you know I'm always pushing to increase your emotional intelligence, and this is the perfect opportunity to do just that. 

First, I want you to pay attention to your own feelings. What were your first days at school like as a child? How do you handle transitions or changes in your life? What helps you, or what makes things more difficult? 

I suggest this because when we understand what is going on from our own experience and how we cope with transitions, we can be present and supportive of our children. 

Helping your child adjust to change

Once you check in with yourself, make sure you use your coping skills when dealing with change. This is because we often forget that when our children transition or experience big changes, it can be challenging for us, too. This can be for all sorts of reasons; the fact that they are growing up is just one of many. 

Now that you have taken time to ensure you're using your favourite coping skills (remember, if you want to work on your EQ, you can always sign up for my course), it is time to support your children. 

While reading these tips, it is important to remember that parenting is hard, and even the best intentions aren't always easy to follow through. 

Using positive affirmations for change

I was dropping my daughter off for her second day at nursery school today, talking to my mama-self with my psychologist hat on. I kept saying these next few things over and over for her benefit - and mine! 

What we tell ourselves matters, and if you follow me on Instagram, you'll know I love to reframe unhelpful thoughts and use affirmations! And this is a perfect time to hone these two skills. We must help our kids embrace the challenging and uncomfortable parts of change, showing them they've got the strength and bravery to tackle anything.

So, for the next few weeks, I want your morning affirmations with your children to be, “I am strong, I am brave, and I can do hard things.” And when you get to the school gates, you can remind them that they can do it by repeating these affirmations and telling them, “I believe in you" or "I know you can.” 

When our kids understand that we have faith in them, they gain the confidence to spread their wings.

This morning, when my daughter said, “No Mama, I am not brave; I wanna go home,” even though I wanted to say, "Okay, sweetheart, we can go home," I looked at her, holding her close and said “You are brave, you are strong, and you can do hard things. Mama always comes back, and I can’t wait to hear all the amazing things you will do today.”  

After this pep talk, she let go of my shirt, gave me a big cuddle and walked into the classroom. Remember, we all need cheerleaders who believe in us, especially in the difficult moments. 

Transitions: Create space for big emotions

Another way to support your children and help them cope with transitions is to create space for the big emotions after school. 

When we are working hard to be brave and strong, it's important to realise that no matter what age we are (yes, this goes for your college kid who calls you at night crying), it's perfectly normal to have a letdown when returning to our safe place, home. 

Emotional outbursts at all ages are to be expected, even in teenagers and college kids. To cope safely, the best thing you can do is hold space for the big feelings. My favourite way of doing this is a snack bath. This can be a cold one if you are in this UK heat at the moment. 

Transitions: What's a snack bath?

After school, get out of the school clothes, climb into the bath or shower and have a snack while relaxing. You can put on music or use bubbles, but the key is to wash off the day while thinking about three positive things that happened. This will help your child express their feelings around the day, reset, and bring them back into the home. 

This is so important before engaging in anything, such as homework or dinnertime. Even if it is just for five minutes, the decompression time is precious and makes a massive difference. You can also engage in your child’s favourite coping skill with them. For little ones, it could be deep breathing and blowing bath bubbles, while for older kids, it might involve giving them some space to just be, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Have you ever tried using these techniques? Do you have a favourite coping skill or a way to deal with transition? Let me know by emailing me at drhollysymons@outlook.com. 

I hope this is a helpful reminder and makes these next few weeks easier for your whole family!