Calm Down! How Many Times Have You Said That to Your Kids Today?

Don't worry, you aren't alone. We often tell our kids to calm down. However, my favourite question for parents is, "Do you know how to calm down? What do you do to calm down?" This is because we often forget what this phrase really means and how to engage in the skills to calm down.

How to calm down

Did you know that stimulating our Vagus nerve can create a near-automatic feeling of calm? Wait, what is the Vagus nerve?

The Vagus nerve or nerves are the main nerves of your parasympathetic nervous system. This means they control involuntary (not consciously controlled) bodily functions such as digestion, heart rate and your immune system. The Vagus nerve is the communication system between our gut and our brain. So how do we create a system of calm, then?!

My favourites are breathing techniques, nature walks, music, singing, laughter, cold baths/showers and meditation. Okay, so now you have this list, let's break down how to engage in these tools and why they help.

Breathwork

Our breath is the first and simplest way to tell our parasympathetic nervous system we are okay and to calm down. By taking deep, slow breaths, we can slow our heart rate, which sends a signal that we are safe and calm. So how do you do this?

For kids, I use 5 finger breathing. Breathe in while you slowly trace your finger up and then slowly out as you trace down. For adults, I say to breathe into your belly for a count of 5, hold it for 2, breathe out for a count of 10 and then hold it for 2. By practicing this technique regularly, it will make it easier to access when you really need it.

Nature walks

A recent study by the National Institute of Health in 2022 found improvements across all mental health outcomes when engaging with nature (98%). Not only that, but nature also has an energetic grounding for our bodies. By standing barefoot on the ground, you neutralise your positively charged ion with negatively charged ions called electrons. This causes a grounding/calming to your system. So, the next time you are out in nature, remember to stand barefoot for a bit.

Music/Signing

Did you know that your Vagus nerve is connected to your vocal cords and passes through your inner ear? That is why humming, singing or listening to calm, soothing music helps you calm down. How awesome is that! Next time your kids need to calm down, try getting them to sing along with you or turn on some classical music. Top tip: Find classical renditions of Disney songs or pop music that the kids will already know and love.

Laughter

I bet you never really knew why you always felt so good after a laugh or why they call it a belly laugh… Yup, it has something to do with the Vagus nerve. Laughter activates your diaphragm, stimulating your vagus nerve and prompting your parasympathetic nervous system to put you into "rest and digest" or a calm state. What does this mean for you? Friend time, comedies and anything that makes you laugh is so important. Have a clip of a TV show that always makes you laugh? Save the link and watch it the next time you need to calm down!

Cold baths or showers

I know this one seems counterintuitive, but hear me out. You stimulate your Vagus nerve by exposing yourself to acute cold temperatures, such as taking a cold shower or splashing cold water on your face. This is because as your body adjusts to the cold, your sympathetic nervous system declines, and the parasympathetic system increases. If you find cold showers too much or you are trying to help a child, just splash a bit of cold water on your face. Do not splash water onto your child's face; let them do it. That probably goes without saying, but I had to call it out just in case.

Meditation

Last but not least is meditation. You do not need to engage in long meditations or even sitting meditation, but supporting your brain in slowing down and getting some quiet is so important. Meditation doesn't just increase the vagal tone; it increases positive emotions, so it is a win all around.

The key to meditation is a regular practice. Why not start with your toddler on your lap? The more you and your kids engage, the better! My favourite meditation app is Headspace because they have a great kids' area!

Get in touch

I hope you find these tools helpful so that the next time you or your kids need to calm down, you can sing, head outside, start breathwork, suggest a face splash reset, or even laugh! Gaining this insight increases your emotional intelligence and creates a strong understanding of self and inner regulation tools. Let me know which works best for you. 

If you are ready for more, head to my course, Bringing Emotional Intelligence into the Home, to one of my webinars, or attend a live event.

Dr. H