5 Ways to Foster Emotional Intelligence in Your Kids
Emotional intelligence is a term we're hearing more and more, and for good reason. Strong emotional intelligence is highly correlated with success, and who doesn't want a successful life, right?! But what is it, and how can we foster emotional intelligence in children?
If you want a deep dive into the terms, check out my blog Emotional Intelligence, What is It? But for now, let's talk about five easy ways you can help your kids develop emotional intelligence. They are: recognising and naming emotions, encouraging empathy, modelling, emotional expression, and problem-solving/coping skills.
Fostering emotional intelligence in children
Recognizing and naming emotions
Having the ability to recognise and name our emotions is so important. This is because when we recognise our feelings and name them, we are able to let them go, engage in coping skills we know will help, and give others a better understanding of what is going on for us at any given time. But how can we support our kids in recognising and naming emotions? One of the best ways is through play!
I know it may seem weird, but play is actually the language of kids. Yes, even for teenagers. Games like 'Feelings Charades' or discussing characters' emotions from books or on television can have a huge impact on our emotional abilities. Support your little ones by helping them explore and name their feelings every day, not just when they're in crisis. A great way to do this is through feelings magnets or flashcards.
Encouraging empathy
Books and TV are great ways to support kids in understanding and developing empathy for others. Watching shows, reading stories, and discussing how events in the story would feel if they happened to us can be incredibly powerful. Additionally, talking to your children about the emotions and situations you observe when you're out and about together can also be beneficial for their emotional development.
For instance, the next time you see a child visibly upset, talk with your child about the different emotions they could be experiencing and why:
"It looks like that little boy is having a hard time. I wonder what might have happened?"
Then, discuss the potential emotions and scenarios. You can ask questions that help them read body language and give them an understanding that sometimes we feel multiple things all at once.
Another important piece of empathy is to travel and learn about other cultures. Knowledge often creates connection, and connection leads to stronger empathy.
Modelling
Speaking of connection, we are our children's greatest teachers. I know that feels like a lot of pressure, but I promise that if you focus on raising and modelling your own emotional intelligence, your kids will soar! When we engage in practising inner awareness and healthy regulation skills, our children will do the same.
Do you notice that your kid (especially your teenager) calls you out on your behaviours or lifestyle? That's because our kids are watching, so the next time you feel guilty for taking time to do what fills your cup, don't. Instead, think of it for what it is: modelling healthy behaviours to your kids!
Emotional expression
Supporting your kids with their emotional intelligence also means that you need to create a safe place for them to express their emotions. Holding emotions within the body can make you physically ill. Have you ever felt so worried that it made you feel breathless or even caused nausea and vomiting? Well, that's because when we keep big feelings in, they escape in other ways. Cue physical illness.
One of my favourite ways to help kids foster emotional intelligence through the expression of their own emotions is to create a space for expression where your kids can draw it out, journal it out, talk it out, sing it out, dance or move it out, and/or cry it out.
Encourage them to do this every day, or create a special space they can go to in the house to express themselves safely. Don't forget, you're a great asset of support. Our children co-regulate off us exclusively until at least seven years old, when they begin to learn how to regulate on their own.
Problem-solving skills
When we support our kids in healthy emotional expression, we teach them healthy coping skills and ways to problem-solve. If you notice your child feeling a certain way, you can show interest by saying, "I've noticed you've become quiet. Is everything okay?" or, "I can see you are really angry. How can I support you in feeling better?"
By working together to problem-solve what triggered them and using coping skills, you will help your child reset much faster. It's important to ensure you communicate "I am feeling angry" rather than "I am angry." This allows our brains to recognise it as a temporary state, not a trait, and therefore it is much easier to use our coping skills to calm ourselves down.
Creating a home that fosters emotional intelligence is easier than you may think, and most of you are probably doing a few of these things already.
Don't forget, if you'd like some quick and easy tips to support you in each one of these areas, I post about them regularly on my Instagram page, @raising_eq.
If you're ready to create a strong, emotionally intelligent home, head to my course Bringing Emotional Intelligence into the Home, and you'll receive six weeks of practical guidance virtually from me.